Defining Success

I have a confession: I often find myself looking at other women, often people who are similar to me, and I think to myself, "Wow, she has it all.  Great kids, great husband, fulfilling work, and she's thin!"

Here's what's funny about that sentence.  I have all those things, except the thin-ness.  I have great kids, a great husband, I enjoy being a mom, I teach some voice lessons that I enjoy... as a matter of fact, I have many things that would be defined as "successful in life."  A couple of degrees, a modest home, a fulfilling church and spiritual life.  I don't have any major mental illness (not that you can't be successful with mental illness!  Just that it can be a hurdle in life), or even major physical impairments (I can run a 5k if I have to...). Yet for some reason, when I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see someone successful.  I see someone who works hard, but someone who isn't sufficient.

Not only do I not feel accomplished, but in my head I have decided others don't think I'm successful either.  I think part of the reason I have struggled to "gel" in my new ward (aka a church congregation) is that I perceive (most likely incorrectly) that people don't think I have it all together.  That because of my weight, I must be lazy.  How crazy is it that I hold this against the other women I know?  Frankly, it's not fair (and probably insulting) to them that I think they are so shallow that they think my weight overshadows every other aspect of my personality.

I'm just going to say this for myself: it's not true.  Sure, I'm overweight.  And I want to lose weight.  But just because I don't have an ideal body does not mean I don't have other great, worthy qualities.  (I can hear the rest of you going, "Duh, Amanda.  Get a grip."  You're right.)

I think losing weight in order to feel successful would be a waste, and I would walk away feeling unfulfilled.  I am already an accomplished, hard working person.  And more importantly, I don't want weight loss to be the definition of life, when there are so many other things to live for.