Here's my big question of the hour: how do you raise kids with a healthy attitude towards food, even if you don't have one yourself?
This is a big one. I'm not just talking about over-eating and avoiding obesity, but how can I help my children (and in particular my girls) avoid the dangerous pitfalls of anorexia, bulimia and any other sort of disordered eating. Really, all of these issues come from the same idea, abusing food to meet emotional needs (whether that is comfort or control).
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| Look at these cute girls. They deserve cookies! Oh yeah, and a healthy attitude about food... that too... |
How can I teach my daughters to put food in it's rightful place? How can I teach them that food isn't the be all end all in the world? That there's a whole world waiting for them, and if they treat their eating with respect that they will experience so much joy!
I don't know the answers, but I have a couple of ideas that I am implementing, even now while they are so young.
1. Respect their hunger. This means that there's isn't a "clean plate rule." If Clara sits at dinner and eats one bite, I don't coerce her to eat more.
2. Let the child be in control of the food. It's one of those really difficult parenting things where you just have to let it go. The food has been offered, it's up to the child to put the food in their mouths. If Clara only eats her grapes and leaves the rest, then I just let it go. Even if I know she's still hungry.
(Note: That is not to say that she gets cookies if she eats dinner. If she doesn't eat what I offer her, then she doesn't eat. No snacks, treats, or making her a meal that she says she will eat. Mom =/= short-order cook.)
3. There are no bad foods. A cookie is not "bad." But all things in order and moderation. Clara and I have a little tradition that she gets a little fruit snack when she wakes up from her nap. A little fruit snack, even once a day, isn't going to cause a problem. But if I was giving a fruit snack as a bribe multiple times a day in order to make my life easier, that's probably a problem. (Ok, there are totally days I do this. But it's not EVERY day...)
4. Don't talk about losing weight in front of my kids or vocalizing my guilt when I eat something unhealthy. I really think kids internalize this and then start to become hypercritical of their own eating and bodies.
These four things are the biggest conscious choices I've made to help my kids have a healthy relationship with food. I think I'm on the right track, but I worry if I'm doing enough, or if there are things I'm doing unconsciously that might detract from my goal.
The biggest one is I try to respect their hunger. When my children were babies, I nursed them on demand. When I started adding solids, I fed them at regular intervals, but I never required that they finish their plates. I always offered a variety of foods (including fruits and veggies) and they could eat what they wanted and leave what they didn't like. There's no "clean plate" rule. I hope what I'm teaching my toddler is to trust how she feels. If she's full, she's full, and I'm not going to force her to eat. I also want her to feel is that she is control of the food she eats. It's one of the those things where all you can do is put food in front of them and offer it, and then they have to do the rest (without any coercion . I think it's important to find those moments in parenting where you can give the child total control.
Here's one concern I've been considering: truth is, I don't want food to just be for nutrition. I want my children to build happy memories around good food. I want sitting to the dinner table as a family to filled with laughter, fun, and good food. If we want to eat some homemade, fatty fat-sauce chicken cordon bleu, well, I'm making it (respecting portion sizes, of course)! My worry is, though, by creating even the happy memories around food, it attaches an emotional quality to food. Does an emotional attachment to food, even if it's a good emotion, cause problems in the future? I don't know. I'd love to hear some other perspectives. Any ideas? Anyone have any family food rules they follow?
I like your ideas, and the part about good emotions associated with food is tough. I agree with how you feel-I think part of avoiding the attachment to it is learning to deal with the negative emotions in healthier ways. Like when you realized that lonliness when Jordan went to the conference was the perfect situation for you to comfort yourself in food-you needed to learn another way to comfort yourself. Same Idea with the kids, help them find healthy coping mechanisms so they don't resort to the eating mechanism. And of course you are going to be there for them and help them, but I think like you said is it doesn't need to be discussed with them, just, as their mother, watch them, and if unhealthy patterns show up, work with them to create healthier patterns.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about Peyton's eating habits lately and wondering some of the same things. She doesn't like some of the stuff I've been making for dinner and I forget sometimes to make her something else or some of what we're eating without whatever it is she doesn't like about it in it. But I think we have to remember that they are 2 and they will get finicky about certain foods or only want peanut butter sandwiches and mac and cheese for a week. But they'll grow out of it.
ReplyDeleteI try not to make Peyton clean her plate because I know I give her big servings sometimes (Steven ALWAYS gives her too much), but she never asks for more if I give her small servings because she wants to just get down from the table...
She doesn't like vegetables. If she sees green in her food or on her plate she avoids it like the plague. I've decided I need to make some purees and put it into things like mac and cheese and meatloaf.
You've got a good list of things to do with them though! I'll be using some of your ideas :)