A Down Day

And then there are days when I feel like this whole process is so, so slow.  I am so tired of the way things are now, and I feel like I'm doing those things that are necessary to get me to where I want to be, but it's taking so long, it feels like I will never get there.  Is all of this really worth it?  Because sometimes, it just feels like a whole bunch of work for very little payoff.

(You know those people who say, "And the weight just started falling off of me?"  Yeah.  That's never happened to me.)

I have thought about going to see a doctor a couple of times.  I have two issues I am concerned about.

1. Possibility of a thyroid issue
2. Possibility of exercise induced asthma

The thyroid issue might explain why my weight loss is very slow.  And why I am so tired. Although both of those might also be attributed to breastfeeding and the ins and outs of having a new baby.

I have two siblings who have fairly severe asthma (so there's some family history there), and I often find myself wheezing and feeling like I have a tight chest when I exercise   But maybe I'm just being a whiner and that's how exercise is supposed to feel.

I suppose you're thinking, "Stop complaining and just go see a doctor!"  And you would probably be right.  I don't go because I'm ashamed, I'm afraid of what they'll say to me, of what they'll think of me.  As someone who tries to do the right thing all the time, who wants to be successful and accomplished, going to the doctor while overweight is like walking into a test you know you're going to fail.  The anxiety I feel over disappointing individuals I respect is very real.

Anyway, today is just one of those days.

Maybe I just didn't get enough sleep last night (do I ever?).



P.S. Don't worry, I'm going to go see a doctor.